Well y'all, it has been a MINUTE since I last posted on here and boy do I have a lot to share.
So much has happened since my Cosmic Reset in 2023. And while I do intend to dive into the nuts and bolts of my healing process over the last eight months, because it has been a WILD ride for sure, I have some other news to share as well. So tuck on in my pretties.
First and foremost, I have moved to Florida. St.Petersburg to be exact. I landed here a month ago and I LOVE IT. I Am slowly getting used to the heat because YES, I moved in the hottest part of the year, or as I'm calling it "Initiation by FIRE" haha.
Prior to my move and even prior to that I started working with someone, whom I refer to as my "Emotional Support Human/ESH" to help me to feel safe to live in my body. It turns out that I had spent a better part of 56 years "jumping' out of my body and disassociating. It got worse after Lou died because I wasn't capable of feeling my emotions. I also shut down any part of me that wanted to have fun or delight in play and instead I focused solely on my very serious healing process.
But somehow in the mix I redirected my focus from my own personal healing to other people's healing instead. I'm not saying this is necessarily bad. We all have to start somewhere when we step into service. And I do think my process is more common than not... healers wanting to help others but not fully examining what lives within them first.
Last summer I was absolutely fucking FORCED to look at my shit because NOTHING and I mean nothing was aligned anymore. I literally had to see what lived within me whether I wanted to or not. I was in such fight or flight and felt so lost and so hopeless. During this time I had a very dark and tumultuous "Crisis of Faith" and I basically lost my shit. My entire life was in crisis. Money, clients, my relationships. All of it was a dumpster fire.
Which I can smile about now. And which was so SO great for me. I can say that now in reflection. It felt TERRIBLE during it ( I MEAN FUCKING TERRIBLE) but it was absolutely GOOD FOR ME.
At the time, I was able to recognize things needed to change (and fast ) so I asked for help. Enter my Emotional Support Human. She helped me get to the root of the truth of my trauma. Trauma that started before I was even born. Trauma that spans lifetimes. Trauma that we focused on in THIS lifetime.
I've been working with Jeanie Baker since the end of September of 2023. The road to self discovery and learning new tools to feel safe to live in my body and feel my emotions has been the biggest thing I have EVER done to support myself. It wasn't a rebirthing, but an entire birthing process; from the Root to the Truth.
It is a continuous commitment to myself to be in my body and I Am still learning daily on how to best support myself. Things that have shifted:
I now value and honor myself 1st and foremost. (letting go of people pleasing)
I speak up when things don't feel aligned. (setting boundaries and activating my voice)
Feeling and processing my emotions versus running from them and shutting down/ "jumping" out of my body.
Clarity around who I Am and what I want (hence the move to Florida)
Inviting more play and fun into my life and connecting to the parts of me that I had shut down.
Being able to witness when I go into Fight or Flight and having more tools and awareness on how to guide myself out.
Letting go of what I think a spiritual person "should" act like and just being my most authentic self.
LOVING MYSELF, TRUSTING MYSELF, FORGIVING MYSELF.
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